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H3y GuYzZz, I jUsT wAnNa TaLk 2 U bOuT t3xT1nG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 iTz GuNna b dA bOmB dOt CoM!!!!!!!1 w3 AlL t3xT lYk 3V3rYdAy,,,, 

SoOoOoOoOoOo I tHiNk Ya’Ll ShuLd KnOw H0w 2 T3xT lYk A cOo0OoOO0oo0Ol CoLl3dGe StUdEnT!!!!!!11 HoTTTTTTTTTTTyyyyyyyy ToDDDDDDDDDDyyyyy!!!1111111

If you have ever texted something similar to the above paragraph, PLEASE read this column (if not, just read it to feed your ego or because you simply cannot understand what you’re professor is saying in his lecture right now).

When I see text like the above, memories of middle school drama spring to mind.  

Now, I know that junior high Justin was possibly the greatest catch in the world (especially if his last name just happened to be Bieber), but, hopefully you have grown up just a tad bit since you were fourteen. 

In the professional, dating, normal, or even third world one would never even think about thinking about saying something like this.  

In the following paragraphs, I will explain why it would be inappropriate to text or email with such immaturity for each of those four situations. 

Close your eyes, and now think of something that portrays the term “professional.”  

You’re hopefully imagining someone wearing nicer clothes (a suit, perhaps?), clean-shaven, and maybe even puffing on a cigar in a plush New York City office. 

If he then checks his Blackberry for any messages and sees the text “DiNn3r 2n1t3?” from a potential business partner, he would simply brush it off as mere child’s play.  

He would almost assuredly take it as the potential partner not being serious about developing a successful business contact.  

In order to be taken seriously, one should use (close to) correct grammar.

This is also true in the dating world.  

If I were to text a girl I’ve had my eye on and say “C0fF33 aFt3r C1aSsSsSs?!”, then I would probably end up sitting at Starbucks with myself reading the DM. 

Since college students are actually (gasp) nearing the adult world, the necessity for developing healthy relationships is even more pivotal. 

 Sure, in middle school you may have dated someone because she would hold your hand or not laugh at your braces, but hopefully by now, relationships mean a little bit more than that to you. 

 So treat a future significant other with courtesy and text like you’re interested (and also take her to Ya-Ya’s, apparently people love it).

Unfortunately, if that doesn’t pan out the way you want it to, you may just want to avoid people in general for the next few days.  

But, of course, you may have a craving for frozen yogurt since the eating of certain dairy products tends to be associated with rejection. 

So, you hop online to see if you can have them deliver it to your home and find out that they cannot.  

But you know what you do find out?  That Ya-Ya’s website uses grammatically correct English.  No UPPERCASElowercaseUPPERCASElowercase,crazy lingo, or improp3r numb3r plac3m3nt. 

This holds true when watching the top headlines scroll at the bottom of the television while watching CNN, when browsing through a novel at Barnes and Noble, and even when reading gangsta rap lyrics online.  

These are all normal world situations where Th1S 1S n0t Us3d.

Finally, I will go out on a limb and say that those living in third world countries do not text or email L1k3 Th1S.  

Sometimes, common sense is the only argument you need.