Ask Eliza: October 13, 2010

Dear Eliza,

Right at the beginning of the semester, I had a huge blowout with a boy I had been talking to all summer. We ended up not being friends at all, and even more drama occurred to the point where I had to move out of my place.

I have been feeling kind of lost ever since. My studies have suffered and I am still thinking about all of this constantly. I want to find someone who will respect me but I can’t get over all of this. What should I do?

-Hannah

Dear Hannah, 

I completely understand. Some of my best friends and I have had the same thing happen to us, and it’s devastating. I wouldn’t go out with my friends and I couldn’t focus in class. To tell you the truth, it still hurts to this day, but if I could go back and do things differently, I wouldn’t.

As much as it still hurts, I am in a much happier place, and you will make it back to that happy place too.

First off, delete his number out of your cell phone. The last thing you need is to drunk text him or call him. Also, block him from Facebook. I know you’re thinking “I can’t,” but you have to. The more you know what’s going on in his life, the more you will get upset and the longer it will take for you to move on.

Next you need to focus on yourself. Maybe a new club or sport? Have fun with your girls, get dressed up and go out! If you can make yourself happy then other people around you will want to be around you. You’re probably worried about running into him, and when you do, be nice and smile. This will hurt, but you will get better. Remember that others around you are going through the same thing. Sometimes you have to go through a bunch of jerks to get to the right guy. And when you do, you will be so happy.

-xoxo, 

Eliza

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Dear Eliza, 

This weekend, my best friend and I went out to the bars with a group of people. My friend ended up getting very drunk and very annoying. Several times, she singled me out and made me feel awful. I know she was just drunk and doesn’t mean it, but how do I let her know she needs to watch her alcohol consumption? I don’t want to be “the mom” either. I just want her to understand. 

-Julie

Dear Julie, 

Sometimes you have to be honest and tell your friend the truth. Look at it this way: Wouldn’t you want her to tell you that you are making a complete idiot of yourself and being mean? It’s always better to come from you than to hear it from people who don’t know you.

Also, you’re not being “the mom” by standing up for yourself, and if they say you are, they aren’t being very good friends to you. A friend should respect you and want the best for you, not put you down and embarrass you. Hang in there!

-xoxo, 

Eliza

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Dear Eliza, 

One of my best friends recently just started a relationship with a new guy. I like him and all our friends like them together, too, but it just seems that she doesn’t have time for me as much as she used to. Last year we were always going out to the bars and frat houses, but now she never makes plans with me or all the girls. However, she constantly gets mad that we do not invite her out or include her when we are talking about things that happened while we were out at the bars. What am I supposed to do, invite her even though she usually says no or just sit down and talk to her? 

-Kelsey 

Dear Kelsey, 

We’re in college now and this is just what happens. We all go through change, some before others - change in appearance, majors, boyfriends, groups of friends and even changing schools. No one particularly likes change, but change can be a good thing sometimes too.

My advice for you is to sit down with your friend and talk to her. Explain to her how you miss hanging out, but don’t come off as if it’s her fault. No one wants to be given all of the blame. Some girls don’t understand that when they get a boyfriend, they can’t ignore their friends. Those girls will learn though because eventually those friends are going to move on without her and God forbid they break up, what would she do then? Just remember to always make time for your friends and treat people how you wish to be treated.

Keep inviting your friend out, and even if she says no every single time, she can no longer blame you for not trying to include her anymore. Everything will work out, just give it some time and focus on class, or what you’re going to do this weekend! 

-xoxo, 

Eliza