Fridays No Longer

With lyrics as cutting edge as “gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal” and asking the age-old question, “Which seat should I take?”, Rebecca is appropriately being hailed as a 13-year-old pop prodigy princess.

Everywhere except the Internet.

From YouTube to Memebase to 4chan and beyond, Rebecca’s brilliant achievement is being denigrated as “not even remotely OK,” “epic fail” and “worse than Justin Bieber.”

Worse than Justin Bieber!?

Oh, XmyXdyingXheartX, how little you know!

In fact, Rebecca has achieved something that pathetic Canadian hack and his funny hair will never achieve: Her music video is the MOST DISLIKED VIDEO ON YOUTUBE EVER!

Over 1,160,000 people have viewed her video and clicked the “thumbs down” button signifying their disapproval.

Bieber’s “Baby” music video only has 1,150,000 dislikes!  Clearly, he is less untalented and hated by YouTube.

Also, Justin has never had the honor of being mocked by noted basic cable comedian Daniel Tosh, like Rebecca has.

Justin didn’t find fame until he was 15, while Rebecca is only 13 and WAY more famous than Justin Bieber.

Justin also shies away from negative attention, but Rebecca confronts it straight on, refusing to bow to pressure from “haters” to take down her video from YouTube.

Anyone who says Rebecca is untalented and a worse singer than the Asian girl from “Glee” is just a hater who wishes they had the attention and fame that Rebecca does at age 13.

They’re just jealous that their friends didn’t have driver’s licenses and convertibles in eighth grade.

And because they weren’t friends with a rapper at that age.

Really, all this outrage is just silly.

It’s just a song, Internet.

A lot of y’all would kill to have the kind of attention Rebecca’s getting, even if it was all from haters.

Just ask Cam Newton. He has more experience with haters just because he trolled the entire Southeastern Conference from the beginning of the 2010-11 football season until he raised the Bowl Championship Series National Championship Trophy in Glendale, Ariz. this January.

Everyone was super-jealous of his superhuman athletic ability and will to win and score touchdown after touchdown for the WarTigerPlainsmenEagles of Auburn. Multiple haters spent hours upon hours calling into the Paul Finebaum show to complain about how Cam and Auburn “wuz cheetin’, PAWWWL,” how they just had to be, because one person couldn’t be that good. One even went so far as to poison a beloved group of trees in rage.

So, listen up, all you haters.

You may think Rebecca is slow and stupid for her lyrics, half of which simply tell you the days of the week, which you learned from Elmo and/or Barney at least 10 years ago.

You may think it’s cute to make awkward .gifs and memes about the sheer “juvenile-ness” of “Friday.”

You’d be stretching the realms of reasonableness if you began petitioning the renaming of Friday to “Chipday,” just so her song wouldn’t make sense anymore.

But you’re just haters, and you’re jealous, so LEAVE REBECCA ALONE! LEAVE HER ALONE!