 "Photo: Courtesy of Destination 360 | The Daily Mississippian")
Like many other faithful citizens of this great state on Tuesday in honor of our nation’s democracy, I drove to Tunica to play at the casinos. As I drove through Oxford wearing my American flag blazer and the Uncle Sam mask I stole from my neighbor on Halloween, I noticed the impressive voter lines leading into various polling stations.
Never have I been as proud to see so many Americans taking part in such an important exercise in our individual liberties. I, of course, would have stopped to vote, but my tee time at Tunica National was scheduled for 1:30 p.m., and I was already running 20 minutes late.
Hopping onto I-55, I switched off the XM radio and put in my “Patriotic Country” CD that I had purchased at a Stuckey’s outside of Gatlinburg, Tenn. Listening to the likes of Lee Greenwood and Randy Travis sing about the blessings this land has provided for us made me wish citizens of other countries such as Sudan, Burma and North Korea were fortunate enough to enjoy the same simple freedoms we love and share, such as voting, free speech and the right to spend countless hours depositing change into noisy metallic machines for hardly any returns.
After straining my eyes for nearly two minutes to read my favorite two words in the whole wide world, I finally saw the green “Tunica Exit” sign and impulsively bellowed what every other American was thinking on this historic day: God Bless America!
Once I arrived inside the alluring gambling establishment, (one which shall not be named due to my previous 1-year ban from their gaming floor, which may or may not have elapsed yet), I walked to a familiar and cozy spot in the room – the roulette table.
With the $300 that had generously been given to me this summer through the government’s economic stimulus plan, I was ready to win and ready to win big.
I decided to envision the roulette table as this day’s election. Red for Sen. McCain, and black for, well, Sen. Obama. My assumption was that Obama would win handily, so I placed $50 worth of chips on black. BOOM! Black 28. $50 right back at me.
Already, my vote was beginning to count. As a red-headed bombshell handed me my first drink of the evening, I leaned back into my chair and took a moment to scan the entire casino floor.
A casino, you see, is a microcosm of this wonderful nation.
Through the clinking and clanking of the slot machines placed on the outskirts of the room, I heard ooh’s and aah’s belting from victorious gamblers, the ones who’d risked it all to reap the satisfying rewards, and also heard vicious profanity from the defeated ones, the ones who’d risked the same amount and unfortunately come away with nothing.
Sitting at a blackjack table across from me, I noticed a young blonde woman, bawling her eyes out as casino officials placed handcuffs around her wrists and adamantly promised to throw her twins into a beautiful part of the Mississippi River.
At the very next table was a blonde woman of around the same age but wearing far less clothing, purring into a elderly gentleman’s ear.
She was smiling brightly and rubbing his frail shoulders while he was smiling even brighter and counting his mammoth stack of chips.
Dealing and shuffling their decks of cards were honest, hard-working middle class men and women, trying to make a living by offering a service that so many other hard-working Americans cherish and are addicted to.
At the far end of the room and spectrum was a large bald man carelessly throwing pennies into the penny slots just for the sake of a few complementary drinks.
And finally, pointing my head toward the ceiling, I noticed the surveillance cameras glancing down at my thinning stack of chips – a nod to our vigilant government, always keeping a watchful eye, no matter how obtrusive it may seem.
This was America: the rich and the poor, the good and the bad, the hard-working and the indolent and finally, the glue that keeps it all together – the eyes in the sky.
It was all walks of life, together in one room, acknowledging that if you are lucky enough, you will succeed, and if you spend enough, you can comp a hotel room with double beds and free HBO.
After finishing up my fourth drink, I ventured over to the bar to check out the latest election results on the plasma flat screens.
It was also a fine time for me to leave my table since my red-headed waitress finally realized the tips I was giving her were tokens from Chuck E. Cheese.
At the bar, hundreds of belligerent patrons were staring wildly at the TVs and cheering with glee as they shook their fists in the air and raised their glasses for toasts.
Upon this sight, my eyes began to water and I raised my right hand to salute. Nothing could surpass this great American moment.
I screamed above the raucous noise to the man next to me, “Who’s winning?”
“The Celtics,” he responded jubilantly. The Celtics? Did he mean Republicans or Democrats?
I then looked up to the high-definition televisions and realized that all 83 TV‘s placed around the room were set to sports channels such as ESPN, ESPN2, etc., on down to ESPN83.
My patriotic spirit, flying high because of the days’ events, was now somersaulting back to earth.
Demoralized, I cowered back over to my precious roulette table and sat next to a red-faced gentleman wearing an American flag pin and puffing away on a bulky cigar. With my spirit broken, I turned to the man for guidance.
“You look like a man who cares about our future,” I said. He surveyed my red, white and blue attire and slowly chuckled.
“Who are you pulling for?” he finally asked, taking long, calculated puffs from his cigar.
“Well, I think Obama will win. Say, how about I put my last remaining chips on black and you put yours on red for the Republicans?”
He chuckled a little more and nodded in agreement. We then both placed our bets, his on red and mine on black.
The roulette wheel spun round and round, round and round, and the ball finally landed ... on zero.
ZERO! Neither red nor black. We both had lost.
He then let out a boisterous, unnerving laugh and with his cigar in tow, pointed his left hand toward the eyes in the sky and yelped, “You see, son, it doesn’t matter if you bet on black or red, the house ... will always win.”
